Back Out First Syndrome


Obiajulu and Stephanie have been best friends since they bumped into each other in a rush to their lecture halls back in the University. Obiajulu had an acid tongue which she only unleashed in anger.
"Those things in your head are they not eyes? Rubbish! Witches everywhere trying to spoil someone's day!" And she had marched off leaving Stephanie seething, staring after her.
They had met again that day at a lecturer's office where a raucous queue was a failed attempt to bring order to the registration process for the course. Stephanie had been a bit late. Standing at the end would have meant being asked to return the next day because office hours would have ended before her turn came. She followed the queue hoping against hope to find a place to squeeze into. It was all falling apart and an assistant to the lecturer was shouting at the top of his voice with a security official in tow as they began to force the long line of sweating bodies into some form of order. When she observed this, Stephanie knew there would be embarrassment and roughhousing before those two succeeded and she wanted no part of it. She began to retrace her steps to the back.
On the way, someone tapped her. The silly mouthy girl from earlier in the day was in the queue. She stepped back and indicated the space she had made.
"Come," she said. Relieved and surprised, Stephanie took the offer. She said thanks and that was it. Before both were attended to, they had exchanged names and living conditions; Stephanie lived in the school hostel while Obiajulu had a room off-campus. The next few months saw both in the same classes for enough courses that they were soon visiting each other's rooms and even sleeping over. 


Ten years later, Julu as most people knew her was now getting married. Their friendship had survived the years and Stephanie was going to be the chief bridesmaid. She was excited for her role and was more than glad that Julu had asked her at all. 


At the moment, however, she was very irritated. She had been trying to reach her friend all day and Julu wasn't taking her calls. The last tweaks had to be made on the wedding gown and Julu needed to select the floral arrangement and exact shade of khaki she wanted for the bouquet. The designer handling the gown adjustments was a recommendation from Stephanie, so every hitch Julu encountered, every outburst and fraying of nerves was routed to her to settle. The calls were beginning to make Stephanie feel like she might be the event organizer instead of that snot-nosed lady Julu and her husband-to-be were paying more than half a million naira for.
Stephanie was an accountant and currently worked on a financial advisory board at a Shipping company. When she got off work, she tried Julu's phone again. Still, she got no answer. She called Desmond. He picked after the first ring.
"Well, well, well. My able sister-in-law from another mother, what is the occasion? You called me. Hell must be freezing over right now."
She rolled her eyes. She couldn't abide by the antics of her friend's fiance and had never been comfortable with him but it was nothing as extreme as it sounded when he and Julu teased her about it. The cab she was in turned into her street.
"Good afternoon Desmond. I'm trying to reach Julu but she isn't picking my calls. Is she with you?"




"No. I haven't spoken to her since she went to see her mum," he said.
"Oh." She frowned and was temporarily distracted as she got off the cab and paid her fare. "I guess I'll have to call her mum then. Thank you."
"Hope everything is alright. You're not calling her for an emergency or is it something I can handle?"
"No. Nothing serious. Wedding plans, bridal attire issues. I'll just call her mum," She said and hung up.
Desmond was a large man, a large man with an almost high-pitched voice that was at odds with his very masculine presence. It was the same with his character. Julu told her she had met him at a hotel where he had told her he was attending a conference. It was a very feasible story but Julu had seen him at the lobby before he noticed her later that evening at the pool. He had checked in at the lobby with a lady on his arm. It was one of the things the couple fought about. He did not always tell her friend complete truths. And sadly, Julu was very street smart. Her parents were new money; eight years and counting since Julu's father had gotten the appointment that had elevated her hustle and bustle friend in their third year to a slay queen.

Desmond, her fiance, was a funny man, with a deep belly laugh and an attitude that welcomed all and sunder. He could never understand it when people disliked him. Fortunately, Stephanie did not. But she came very close to it. Obiajulu just laughed at the two of them and fielded between both camps until they arrived at a truce. Stephanie herself didn't understand her reaction to him. She finally got tired of trying to change it.
Stephanie relaxed in her apartment and then called her friend's mother two hours later. The first call went unanswered. The second time though, she picked and the jovial thickly-accented voice of Mrs Johnson asked her daughter how she was doing. She had always called Stephanie her daughter. Stephanie told the woman she was fine oo, but that she was just unfortunate since she had not eaten Mummy's food in ages. Mrs Johnson was always delighted when she said this even though, Stephanie ate at their home at least once every other week. She would then effusively admonish her to cook and not buy all the food strange people are processing and preparing outside of home; that it was not healthy not to know what was inside what one ate. "Cook," she would say. "And one day, your food might start tasting like mine or your mother's." Only after this pattern of pleasantries, was Stephanie permitted to talk of anything else.
This time however, Mrs Johnson sounded distracted. She called her her daughter, then called her by her name several times in between words that were so fast, Stephanie understood nothing.
"Ma? What is it? Where is Obiajulu?"
"Your friend wants me to die before my time oo! Come and see oo!" The woman was now crying over the phone. "She is my only child o. Stephanie nwam, come and look for your friend oo. I don't know what to do? Did I commit any crime when I was young that life wants to punish me like this?"
Stephanie froze on her couch where she had sat to call the older woman. Obiajulu, missing? How?
"Ma. I'm coming to the house now. Have you called Uncle? Does he know what is happening?"
"He is upstairs. He is upstairs."
"I've been trying to call her line throughout today. I will keep trying Ma. Don't worry, I'm sure she's okay. The wedding is this weekend now, don't worry. She probably went to see someone."

Even as she said this, she knew how highly unlikely that was. As she got off the call to her friend's mother, she called Desmond again. He hadn't seen Julu. His calls to her weren't answered either. She feigned an affirmation that she had reached her through her mother so he wouldn't worry and then she got out of her apartment like it was burning and got a cab that took her directly to the Johnson home.
She met Mrs Johnson forlon in the sitting room with two younger extended relatives Stephanie didn't recognize but knew where probably invited to help with wedding preparations.
"She is in the kitchen," Mrs Johnson said , sounding like she had a sore throat. Stephanie stopped and stared at the woman.
"You..you said she was missing."
"What?" Mrs Johnson waved her hand dismissively, the folds of fat under arms swung about with it. "No, she left her room when I was talking to her and I couldn't find her and talk sense into her head. Go and talk to your friend."
"God! Ma, you scared me. Thank God I don't have a car, only God knows if I would have made it here, rushing like I did."
Mrs Johnson faced her squarely. "I'm happy you are here. Nwam, go and talk to your friend."
"Why? What happened to her?"
"My enemies are trying to use her head and she is allowing them. Go, let her tell you herself."
Stephanie looked at the two younger girls in cowering postures on seats adjacent to Mrs Johnsons. They looked away. She left them there.
In the kitchen, Obiajulu dropped the knife she was using to dice onions. When she faced her, Stephanie couldn't deduce whether the redness of her eyes were from the onions or something else.
"Julu, what is it?"
"I'm not getting married this weekend."
"Please tell me you mean, you are postponing the date."
Julu shook her head. Stephanie held her as she started sobbing.


. . . .
Desmond had a wife in Calabar with two sons by her already. Obiajulu had her suspicions and had said nothing to anyone after seeing a medical report for an antibacterial treatment issued in Calabar for a child of four sharing Desmond's surname in his suitcase. She went to Calabar herself to find out when she was unable to dismiss what she saw. She discretely asked Desmond if his extended family had any little children that would call her aunty after they were married. He had laughed his deep belly laugh and said no. At the moment, their youngest was twelve, he had said.
She found the hospital at Calabar and the rest was history. She even met his wife. Of course she didn't tell the lady her relationship with her husband.
She didn't tell her family her reasons for ending the marriage plans but she thanked God for not allowing her fall into any bond with a man as deceptive and wicked as Desmond had proven to be. She didn't even tell Desmond why she wouldn't go through with the wedding. He kept calling and trying to see her. Only Stephanie knew the full story. Her friend flew out of the country a month later and took a much needed break from everything. Stephanie kept in touch. And Stephanie learned as well, from the what would have been the worst mistake of her friend's life. I hope you learned a thing or two as well.
Psalm 124:7
Our soul is escaped as a bird out of the snare of the fowlers: the snare is broken and we are escaped.

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